counting the little things

I keep a notebook where I write down God’s gifts to me.  Sometimes they are little things, a rainbow tucked in the clouds, a letter in the mail, or a much needed cup of tea.  Other times my gifts are on a much deeper level, a doctor visit, a friendship restored, or the opening of my eyes to a part of God’s character I had never seen before.

I can not tell you how beautiful my life looks through the lenses of these recorded gifts.  The notebook is really my history over the past year or so and how much I love my life after reading just a little bit of it.  How much I love God.  It’s funny, I know that some of the portions in this book were written through very tough times.  There is a hint of that bitter sweetness in the pages, but the joy there by far out weighs it.  I promise, by far.  It is so interesting to see how the pain has faded and no longer stings but the joy, ah it remains as fresh and radiant as when the ink was still wet on the paper.  

Often when we are ill the world looks very bleak and our lives brim over with dryness and pain.  There is nothing cheerful to write to those friends who urge us in their emails to tell them about ourselves.  There is nothing hopeful to report to our family when they call.  It is hard some days to see God’s many gifts to us because we remember too keenly the ones He has allowed to depart from us for a time.  No matter how hard it is though we must look and search for the gifts anyway for who can live with out joy and hope?  and that is truly what this cultivates in our hearts.  No matter how many bad things are in our lives I assure you there are beautiful things to be found too.

There is always something to rejoice over, even if it seems a bitter thing to be glad about.  I have found myself truly grateful for the most unusual things while in this valley of mine.  Thankful for almost passing out one time, excited about a doctor visit, glad to have my blood drawn, so grateful as a new symptom sets in that it has not plagued me before now.  Does this seem to good and syrupy to be true?  finding God’s gifts among ‘bad’ things.  I must admit I am the most amazed of anyone, because I have not forced myself or just pretended to be grateful for these things, I truly am!  God has truly made me glad, and what a deep and abiding gladness there is when we recognize His very vigilant care for us.

How many times a day does God whisper ‘I love you’ to us?  How many of those times do we not even hear?  How sad to miss even one of those precious gifts, and we have no one to blame but ourselves.  So my challenge to you? Start listening and start recording.  I think you will be amazed as I have been, once you purposefully open your eyes, at how very much God is giving you every single day.  Yes, even through the pain, yes, even through the tears.  That’s what is so great about God’s love - not even our earthly trials can dim or cheapen in.  They only bring it into focus    

hearing hearts

One of the most precious things about this illness has been the opportunity to hear people pray for me.  In the face of real problems and pain the masks come off.  No more trite words and glib phrases.  Prayers become distinct, one of a kind, obviously offered for me from someone who knows me and who also knows pain.  People who you never guessed cared imploring God on your behalf.  Friends -you never knew how deep their burden for you is- lifting your distress up to God.  Their hearts bleed for you and you get to listen in.  You are awed and overwhelmed and incredibly blessed by their love for you.

Just hearing their prayers brings a healing all of its’ own, and I have to cry.  Sometimes I am on the other end of the phone and so they never know that what they just asked God to give me is exactly what I’ve been needing and fighting against all this time.  Sometimes we are across the room from one another and when they finish my ‘tissue hunt’ begins and so they know.  I use to abhor crying in front of people, now I’ve decided I really don’t need to hide so much.  Sure you have to make yourself vulnerable to honestly confess your needs to someone or to really pray for someone but what do we gain by resisting this command of God?  More importantly what do we loose?  There is a fellowship in praying with someone, for someone, in finding out how much they hold in their heart for you.  As we close our time together my heart is blessed beyond measure. And then I have to wonder …why did we wait so long?

limitations - chains - lines

‘The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
                          Indeed, my heritage is beautiful to me.’  Psalm 16:6

Illness brings with it restrictions, limitations, chains, bars, lines.  We hate those lines and we fight against them.  How hard, how very hard it seems to us to be denied this or that.  To have our life stay seemingly in the same place.  To feel we are reduced to little more than a spectator.

‘The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places‘.  -the lines-  The focus here is obviously what these line include but lines of necessity exclude as well.  I had not seen that before.  Every one has lines whether broad or narrow and everyone has something on the other side of his boundary that he would honestly like to have included in his inheritance.  Even the psalmist.  But he refuses to look at what has been denied him and instead looks at what he has been given and declares ‘my heritage is beautiful’.  

Do you call your lot beautiful?  

Now we could assume that the beauty of his inheritance comes from the good things encompassed in the lines.  Perhaps he is looking at some wealth, power, relationship, and exclaiming "life certainly is good" , but I rather doubt it.  Look at the verse that comes directly before this one.  ‘Lord, You are my portion and my cup of blessing; You hold my future.’ Psalm 16:5   It is not the physical blessings that the psalmist rejoices over it is the extraordinary truth that God is his portion.  Who could ask for anything more?

But there is more.  God Almighty who is love, and justice, and truth, who knows the future, who hold his future, has laid down the lines.  What a difference that makes!  Our boundaries do not come from a evil being who is out to destroy us but rather from our heavenly Father whose goal is to transform us into the image of His son Jesus.  

‘Therefore my heart is glad, and my spirit rejoices; my body also rests securely.’ Psalm 16:9

The next time you are tempted to despise your restrictions or be angry at your boundaries remember that they are no accident.  It is not a lie or denial to call our heritage beautiful because, as it comes from God, it truly is!