jealousy

         “Why do I get to be stuck here in illness while all of my friends move on with life?"    

     “Why do I get such a lions share of trials when so and so’s life goes along like a song?”

“Doesn’t God have anything for me to do?”

 “Couldn’t He give me that kind of miracle?”


Okay so I’ve been doing a little procrastinating on this one.  It’s not the most pleasant topic in the world after all and then the truth is I personally have far from mastered the right thoughts and attitudes. Still, ugly as it may be jealousy is an important topic related to illness and so I need to address it, both on this blog and in my own heart.

Jealousy: it is one of those sins that creeps up on you.  There you are seemingly minding your own business and then all of a sudden it jumps out and shouts boo!  Startled you turn to see it’s ugly face leering at you.  “Go away!” you exclaim but it only laughs, because it knows what you don’t - that you are the one who sent the invitation.

Jealousy appears to materialize out of nothing but I think we all know sin better than to believe that.  Yes, sometimes those ugly little thoughts pop up with no specific forethought in that direction but there IS a prelude to jealousy and it is called ‘me-focus’.  Stop and think about it.  If our hearts and minds were directed completely upward and outward jealousy would have no power over us.  We would have no time to feel sorry for ourselves or listen to whiny thoughts about why she gets that and I get this because we would be too busy trusting God and rejoicing over others gifts.  Me-focus is a hard thing and something I will probably talk about in a later blog post.  For now just take some time to soak in this idea of a link between self-centeredness and jealousy.  Sometimes we have such a hard time shaking jealousy off our trail because we spend all our effort in plugging our ears and never look behind his lies to see that we are guilty of placing ourselves at the center of our life. 

Another step in the spiritual war against jealousy comes when we realize that every jealous thought is a declaration that God is not good.  Analyze some of your most prevalent jealousies and I think you will see it.  It in essence says “God, what you have given me is not good enough, it is not fair, or kind, or loving - I need something more”.  All through the Bible however we are told that not only does God give us everything we need He is Love and Goodness and Justice.  When we see our sin in this light we have two options; continue living out blasphemy against God, or reject those thoughts and feelings on this holy ground - I KNOW that my God is love. 

When I first noticed this sin’s hold in my life I began to come across scriptures about jealousy and the truth gave me a greater hate for my sin and helped me stay earnest and real in my fight against it.  I want to share some of those verses with you now.  

“…For love is as strong as death, Jealousy as cruel as the grave;…”          Song of Solomon 8:6  

“A tranquil heart is life to the body, but jealousy is rottenness to the bones."   Proverbs 14:30  

“Fury is cruel, and anger is a flood but who can withstand jealousy?" Proverbs  27;4  


Knowing my own heart these verses stung and helped me stay serious in my resisting this sin and my prayers to God against it. We truly do need God’s help when it comes to Jealousy.  It is a fast growing weed and sends down deep and spiraling roots into our hearts.  Thanks be to God!  He is able to cleanse us and free us from its clutches.

This has been a pretty straight forward and blunt post thus far.  I have written this way both because of my awareness of my own personal need for truth in this area and also because of the very severe way God speaks about jealousy in His word.  However I can not end this post with out a small shift in direction.

You see I do know how hard it is to be left behind.  To have to sit on the road of life and watch everyone else run past you on to greater and more glorious things, disappearing in a cloud of dust. Dust tastes bitter on the detours of life.  I know the pain of being jealous because my hands are now too weak to give and minister and love.  Wanting to serve here and there but knowing it must wait indefinitely.  There is a deep pain in being forced to lay aside all hopes and dreams and to be left with a seemingly blank future. Feeling your own undesireableness because of your physical weakness.  Yes I know and I am not the only one who knows.  God knows.  He does not know in an impersonal way.  Our Father does not just look down from heaven and ’know’ our thoughts.  He abides in us, He walks beside us, and He loves us with an everlasting love.  Just like a mother’s heart aches when her children are hurt so God's heart also aches for you.  Your pain hurts Him, your grief moves Him, your tears find Him.  In anger you may then cry out “if that is true then why doesn’t He take the reason for my pain away?”.  The best answer I have for that is summed up in these words I once heard.  ‘If I had the power of God I would change my circumstances.  If I had the wisdom of God I wouldn’t’  Don’t be afraid to tell God what you wish you had, humbly and with tears. He knows that we are but dust and He will never despise a broken spirit.  Let Him help you as you struggle with this sin.  Revel and rest in His enormous compassion.  Never forget that He cares about your tears - not because they are all shed for righteous reasons- but because He loves you.

“You Yourself have recorded my wandering.  Put my tears in Your bottle.  Are they not in Your records?”  Psalm 56:8

“When the Lord saw her He had compassion on her and said, ‘Don’t cry.’  Luke 7:13

“…I pray that you, being rooted and firmly established in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the length and width, height and depth of God’s love, and to know the Messiah’s love that surpasses knowledge, so you may be filled with all the fullness of God.”   Ephesians 3:17-19